No Daddy! No Dance!
Up to now it’s been all about me. My disappointment! My hurt! My Anger! But I wasn’t alone. Not by a long shot. You see not only did I have my daughter, who’d just given me a precious jewel to love, but I had another daughter. Much younger and full of her own emotions. I was getting ready to uproot her life. Move her more than 2000 miles away from pretty much everyone and everything she’d ever known.
But before we get to the move I want to share a little story. My little one would be the first to tell you how much she missed her daddy. Especially one particular day when I found her in tears at pick up time. It was the annual father daughter school dance, and one of her friends happened to be upset with her. I can’t remember what their little spat was about, probably something we’d consider so trivial, but at that age the drama is real. You know what else is real, the fact that a nine year old can dig deep in their arsenal of “mean” to hurt one another. Yup, that other little darling looked my baby straight in the face, and told her I guess you won’t be going to the dance since you don’t have a dad. Ouch! What is wrong with kids these days?
I decided to use the experience as an opportunity. First, I reminded her that she did in fact have a dad. Yes, he lived further than we’d like, but he was still her dad. And that it was okay to miss the darn father daughter dance. Why did she even want to go to begin with? Everyone knows it’s us moms that are awesome. Anyways, I explained that there are kids that don’t have dads on this earth. Maybe they’ve parted to the afterlife or possibly they’re just absent, but that didn’t matter. Life is not about who we don’t have, but all the wonderful people we are blessed with. Good teaching moment! Yet, as much as the words of one child hurt my baby, and as much as she missed her dad, there was no way she was ready to pack and go!
For starters she would be leaving behind her sister. This is her arts and crafts partner. The cool older sister who takes her to the mall, and teaches her all the things only a big sister can. The shoulder she cries on when us parents just don’t understand. Plus now there was a cool new little niece to love, hug, and kiss. How could this be fair?
As if this wasn’t difficult enough she had all her friends. Well maybe losing the meanie was okay. JK! She was alright most of the time. She’d be missing out on afternoons at the beach, birthday parties, and sleepovers (if her helicopter mom ever agreed to one). She’d miss hanging out with her BFFs at recess and lunch. Did I say recess and lunch? Oh no, this was about the time the realization that she would have to go to a new school and make new friends began to rear its ugly head.
Some people do well with change, while others prefer leaving well enough alone. My B she loves routine. I assure you, we could find her picture next to the word in the dictionary. Which meant that sadness had a new friend in her life , FEAR!
We adults make decisions that impact our children all the time. None are made lightly. We consider all the pros and cons and ultimately move forward with what we think is best for the family. I mean we can’t be expected to have a powwow with our children before decision making. Yes, they have opinions and feelings, but they don’t comprehend the bigger picture. Well … don’t be so quick to node your head in agreement. No, children cannot make adult decisions, but we parents need to make sure we discuss our plans.
Are you nodding your head no? If you are, stop. You know you’d be the first person upset when your boss lays out the new business plans. The first one complaining out loud why your thoughts and opinions weren’t considered. Even though you know that the higher ups were going to do what they felt best, regardless of your fabulous ideas. It’s just nice to be taken into consideration, and every now and then there is a mind blowing idea that you are able to contribute.
With that in mind I began spending more time talking to my daughter. Sharing our plans. Listening to her worries and fears. Slowly, she also began to share hopes and possibilities. Don’t get me wrong, her bags were never packed. If I had hoped things would fall through, she had greater hope, but slowly she began to relax. In the process we grew closer and forged a bond that has and will serve us well for a lifetime. (But wait until we land at our destination things will get well … you’ll have to keep reading to find out!)
