February “The Month of Love”
February brought about a much welcomed gift, our very first grandbaby. That’s right in the midst of all my chaos there was a beautiful blessing on its way. The day she arrived was damp and gloomy, but nothing could have removed the sunshine radiating from my heart. The wait would not be long, says the woman with no pain. Six and a half hours later, ten perfect little toes and fingers. Not to mention the sweetest little cry, I’m sure her parents wouldn’t agree at the 2AM feeding, but that’s one of the many things that make being a nana so great.
Holding her the first time was extraordinary. I never expected my heart to love this tiny human as much as I’d loved my own children, but I did and instantly. Leaving the hospital that evening I was exhausted, but proud. Proud of my daughter’s strength, even though her labor had been short, at least in terms of first time mothers, she’d done it all-natural. Having had two cesareans myself, which let me be the first to say, is by no means the easy way out, I had never witnessed natural childbirth. Women, our bodies are awesome. That night this grandma slept like a baby. Which was a good thing because while I didn’t know it yet, the next day would be my first real taste of learning to let go.
You know how you make plans in your mind, and you find yourself disappointed when it doesn’t workout. Well I’m a planner so this is no new thing to me. However, on this occasion my daughter was the planner. She’d decided that once released from the hospital, her husband, tiny bundle of joy, and self would be spending a few days at my place. That would allow me to help her as she settled into her new role. Oh the thrill! Who doesn’t want that precious new baby in their home? What I should have done was take my co-workers ex-husband’s advice. He’d often said expectation leads to resentment.
Let me tell you like the saying goes, “it hit me like a bucket of cold water” but I’ll add, on a freezing winter day, when my daughter called to inform me they would be staying at her in-laws. Yup, that’s what she said. Who says such a thing? Don’t all girls want to be with their mother? Apparently not mine! Forget hurt, it was more like self-loathing. I wasn’t good enough to keep my husband from going to another country. Shoot I wasn’t even good enough for my daughter to want my help. So, what did I do? I called my mother of course. I called my sister, and I called my husband. I cried to anyone who would listen. Except my daughter. She didn’t need stress or hurt. She’d just had a baby after all.
Then I got angry, apparently this is my pattern, cry then get mad. Anyways, I swore I would not go visit my daughter or the baby. That would teach her. If she wanted to see me, she’d have to come. Thankfully, I have a great mother who advised me contrary. She said I’d regret it. I also have a wonderful friend, who we will call CL, who encouraged me to act outside my feelings. I’m glad I listened. If I hadn’t I only would have hurt those I love and myself.
I’ve talked to my daughter about this day years later, and it turns out we both acted based on emotions. I wanted as much of her and the baby as I could have. I would be leaving. I needed all the time I could have. After all, I would become the “other grandma”. You know the one you see only at Christmas. Definitely not the favorite, that you cuddle up with a few times a week. On the other hand, my daughter was fighting her own battle. Her mom would be leaving. She needed to start adjusting to the fact, she needed to be strong and independent.
What we’ve both learned since, is that we couldn’t be further from the truth. My daughter is strong and independent, but I’m a two hour flight away. She knows that I will board that plane in an instant when needed. Plus thanks to technology it feels like we are always together. As for me, guess what, I’m not the other grandma. Nor is anyone else. Instead our little girl is blessed with many great women in her life.
One day E (that’s my baby) called me. She said guess what nana? I’m coming to your house. She knows me. She knows my house. Then she said “I miss you!” I’m truly blessed! (Don’t feel discouraged by your circumstances. Rather ask what you can learn from them. Even in the little things there is room for growth. A moment that we can use to encourage others!)
