Can I Get Off This Ride Please

I wish I could tell you that I entered depression, overcame and moved on to acceptance, but it was not quite that way. Instead it felt like someone sat me on a roller coaster, tightened the seat belt, and just wouldn’t let me off. Every now and then the ride moved towards the exit, I’d see the end in sight, and then just before I could exit, I was sent in reverse.

At one juncture I sat a bit confused. I could cry. I could share my story with anyone who would listen, but there was one thing no matter how much I tried, I just could not do. Eat! The pounds melted away. Sounds like a dream come true? Well at any other time it might have been, but what it was, was frightening. Sitting on a couch trying to force a piece of food down my throat for survival was my rock bottom. I had grieved all I could for America, and I slowly began to accept that I would soon call home, Mexico.

Six months had passed when I had found my new normal. Again I was enjoying lunch with friends and planning for tomorrow. I waited eagerly for the days my husband and I got to spend together. Like a teenager I was excited whenever he got to travel to see me or vice versa, but there were still some difficult moments too. For example, coming home to an empty bed. Having to say goodbye, but it had become more than bearable.

Actually, looking back I realize that there were moments I wish I would have appreciated more, situations I didn’t take full advantage of. Why is it that hindsight is 20/20? Here is where I wish life had a rewind button, with a remote control, because let’s be real no one wants to get off the couch anymore. So, are you wondering what my regrets are? If you’re not you should be.

Why do you ask? Well we’ve all had that neighbor with the white picket fence, great green lawn, and perfect children, but you and I both know things are not what they appear. The grass is not greener on the other side. People all have difficult situations they have to face. So, let them tell you about their patchy yard, and misbehaving child. There’s a lot to learn from one another. Then if your husband ever tells you he’s moving the entire family to a country you think is a downgrade, you might see the beauty I missed.

Now, about that remote control, I am a woman who has never lived alone. Let’s see, from birth to seventeen I was a dependent of my parents, under their very comfortable no responsibility roof. Then came eighteen, the age most young adults move into some independent living at a dorm or apartment. Well, not me I transitioned right into marriage. Which was not a bad thing, but here I was being given the opportunity to be the only adult in the house. Why wasn’t I jumping for joy? My gosh I was the captain of the ship. There were no outside opinions, because when the co-captain has stepped on the ship named Another Country, privileges are suspended. ;) (Why should he get to navigate anything, when he isn’t even on board!!!)