And We Have Lift Off
I’ve never considered myself a person who runs from change. If anything I’d say switching things up every so often is best. Except when it comes to food. I have a very simple menu with very little variety. Boring even! Yet, on that May morning I awoke hoping it was Groundhogs day, not because I was waiting to see if spring was coming or winter would loom, but more in the sense of the movie. You know the one with Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell, in which the day keeps repeating itself over and over again. That actually might have been a torturous request, yet, we can wish for strange things in desperation.
I’d honestly slept like a log, not to complement the blow up mattress that now laid partially deflated beneath me, it was more due to the exhaustion of the previous day. Leave it to me not only to try to finish packing in one day, but don’t forget scheduling myself to the last second with goodbye dinners, with all those special people in my life. As if that wasn’t bad enough I’d submitted my letter of resignation listing my last day of work as the same day I’d be flying to my new country of residence. I know! I know! What was I thinking? Well in my defense it seemed like a good idea at the time. Today my advice would be to never, ever, under no circumstances place you head voluntarily on the guillotine like I so graciously did (NOT)!
Anyways looking about the room there appeared to be two more days worth of packing lying around. I had no clue how I would make it through the day. I stood from the floor, let’s face it, inflatable beds suck, and went straight to the shower. The warm water on my back relaxed my muscles, which in turn somehow signaled my emotions. How was I going to leave my daughter and grandbaby behind? Fortunately, I didn’t have time to really sulk in my situation, instead I rushed through the morning routine, and out the door we went.
Yes, we because not only was I going to my last day at the office, my daughter was attending her last day of school. Yup, I’m a crazy lady! I am also a perfectionist. I honestly think that I would want to have all my work done, house clean, clothes washed, bills paid, and food cooked before I die. Like who cares! You’re dead! Well try telling that to my overachieving and not to mention over organizing mind. My OCD was kicked into overdrive. I needed to get everything done. Leave every last task completed, and don’t forget I’d also need to brief my replacement.
Around noon I began to panic. No matter what I did there was no way I’d reach my unrealistic goal of having all my work done as I wished. Nor could I ever, under any circumstance completely train the new me. Not to mention I felt panic at what was waiting for me at home. Instead I walked into my boss’ office, disappointed at my failure and asked to end my thirteen years of employment four hours earlier.
Walking out of that building was more difficult than I ever imagined. While the workload had grown significantly each year it was still the place I was glad to walk into each morning. I’d miss the smiling faces of the people who’d been such a big part of my life. Driving the short distance to my daughter’s school, the lump in my throat grew until it felt like it might constrict my breathing. Watching my B say goodbye broke my heart. What was I doing? Hadn’t I dreamed of her crossing the stage at the same High School as her sister. Was I really giving away all I had envisioned?
No! Push those thoughts out of your mind, I instructed my brain, as I drove the final few miles to my home. Walking through the door I was greeted by the three most difficult faces I’d have to look at all day (J, G, & E). My heart sank! Parents aren’t supposed to move away from their children. Children move away. Again I questioned my decision.
About the only sane thing I was convinced I’d done, was understanding how difficult it would be to say goodbye. Which is why I’d booked a trip out of state for my daughter and her little family. I felt it would be easier on her if she was surrounded by family (my mother, sister, and brothers). I didn’t want her to have to see her sister and me go. That meant we only had an hour or so together before they’d have to leave for the airport. Talk about heart wrenching. I had half a mind to call the whole thing off, but I no longer had a job or a place to live. Not to mention that husband of mine waiting for me at my destination. Finally the time came to say goodbye. It took everything in me to let go. I kept going back for one last hug. One last kiss. There are no words to explain the emotions I felt, but I truly believe my heart broke in a million pieces as I closed the door.
This would be the moment I was absolutely grateful for the chaos. Glad there was still a mess to clean, and things to dump, or possibly I’d lost my mind in my hurt. Around seven two good friends stopped by to say their goodbyes. All I can say is be glad for the wonderful people God places in your life. I didn’t tell them then, but I hope they read this now. You both put a smile on my face in the midst of one of the most challenging days of my life. Thank you CL and LR for your wonderful support and friendship.
After they left I finished throwing things away, and packing the final few things that would join me on the plane. This sounds like it was easy, but I was stressed. For a moment I thought I’d never finish on time. Could you imagine me missing the flight? I don’t know if I would have cried or laughed. I probably would have viewed it as a sign not to go. Alas that was not to happen. I finished just as my dad walked through the door. Right on time to head to the airport. I was exhausted!
I’m grateful my dad isn’t the sentimental type for a few reasons. First, I was so tired I fell asleep on the ride to the airport. That’s not the nicest thing to do to someone who’s trying to hold a conversation with you. My dad didn’t seem to mind. I think he understood I was tired in every sense of the word, physically and emotionally. Second, he carried all my suitcases to the check-in line with his usual cheerful disposition. Finally and by far the most important, when it came time to say goodbye, he gave us a hug and said see you soon. Thank you dad for not making goodbye more painful.
At long last, our year’s journey had reached its climax. As the plane lifted off the tarmac I took a deep breath. Looking out the window I thanked God for all He had done, and for all that was to come. This was the beginning of our new adventure. So, put your seatbelt on and hang on, there is so much more to come!
